


The Dinner Party from Hell

by GokuGirl



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, MST3k-Style Riffing, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-07
Updated: 2001-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-05 17:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4188768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bulma decides to have a formal dinner party for once and things happen that are anything but normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Original Version

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** Alcoholism, OOC Vegeta (when isn't he?), extreme laughter alert (okay so that one isn't really a warning...). It's also got some veiled humor. In other words it's so subtle that you have to strain yourself to catch it. But when you do...
> 
>  **Arigatou:** A special thanks goes out to Madoka for beta'ing this really old (©2000) and error-riddled fanfic for the contest over at The Royal Palace of Vejiitasei.

The day had finally arrived. The food was finished, the decorations were perfect, her outfit was perfect, her family... okay not so perfect. But it was as good as it was going to get.

"Veggie-chan! Get your short ass down here, NOW!"

"Do I have to?" he nearly whined.

"Hai, Veggie."

He appeared at the top of the staircase, head hung and shoulders slumped. He had on navy casual pants, a matching sports jacket, and a white shirt. Looking extremely miserable, he slowly made his way to the main floor.

"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"You don't know the half of it," he muttered as he made his way to the couch to sulk.

Now it was Trunks' turn. The twenty-year-old gracefully made his debut. Okay, so he tried, but eight-year-old Bra tripped him and he landed head first had the bottom of the staircase. If he hadn't been Saiya-jin, there would probably be brain damage.

"Ha HA!" Bra cried, pointing as his prone figure. It seemed that she was taking her recent obsession with the Simpsons a little too far.

"I am *so* going to kill you!" He stood, brushing himself off.

"You gotta catch me first!" Bra took off down the hallway into the deeper recesses of Capsule Corporation.

"What did I do to deserve such children!" Bulma threw her hands into the air. "I know." She turned to her wayward mate. "They've got too many of your genes." Vegeta just rolled his eyes in response and went back to picking at the couch's leather upholstery.

Bulma glanced at her watch and began to pace. It was almost time for her guests to arrive.

***

Five minutes to eight o'clock had Bulma standing stiff as a board by the front door. She wrung her hands in anticipation as she watched the members of her family.

"Trunks, stop staring at yourself in the mirror. Your hair is fine and you aren't going to get wrinkles within thirty seconds. Bra, stop scuffing your shoes against my wood floor unless you want to scrub it later on. Veggie-chan, stand up straight. Your posture is appalling."

Trunks smiled. "Nervous Kaasan?"

She glared at him briefly. "Trunks dear, unless you don't want to be able to go with Goten to that concert tomorrow, you will make a wise decision and NOT SCREW WITH ME! Do you understand?" she finished sweetly.

He blinked in mild surprise and nodded.

"Good!" Then the doorbell rang. "Remember what I said to you three." Bulma smoothed her dress down and opened it. Trunks and Bra leaned forward to see who it was that their mother was making them act very prim and proper for. They nearly face-vaulted when they saw who had arrived.

"ChiChi. Goku. How nice to see you!" she motioned for Trunks to take their coats. "Follow Bra to the parlor."

Goku looked at her blankly and whispered to Vegeta as he was lead by. "What's a parlor?"

"It's a living room."

"Then why didn't she just say so?"

The short Saiya-jin just shrugged and followed.

"You can come in, Goten. Just go with Trunks and don't cause any trouble." She closed the door and leaned against it.

"Hai, Bulma-san," he said as he trudged off after his best-friend.

The doorbell rang again and this time it was Krillin and Juuhachi-gou. Marron walked in behind them mumbling something about 'boring parties and even more boring people'. Juuhachi-gou shushed her and greeted Bulma.

"How are you tonight?" she asked in her usual monotone. Krillin had been schooling her on the art of small talk and the jinzouningen felt that she was doing quite good at it.

"Perfectly fine, so far anyway. The kids and Vegeta haven't done anything seriously wrong.... yet." Juuhachi-gou laughed politely and walked towards Bra. Bulma smiled at the rest of her family before they moved to follow her. She had a brief rest period (in which she paced in nervousness) until the doorbell rang again...

***

Bulma stood up from her seat at the head of the dinner table and raised her champagne glass. The children had been allowed to come into the dining room for the toast, but afterward they had to go back to the kiddie table.

"I would like to propose a toast to friendship." Everyone raised their glasses at the words. Bulma looked to the young ones and raised and eyebrow.

"You may go back, now."

"Kaasan!" Trunks whined. "Do Goten, Marron, and I really have to? We're adults, you know!" The other two nodded in agreement.

"I'm afraid that you do. You three act too childish for my tastes."

"Then tousan should be here with us, too," Goten muttered.

Trunks tried again. "But they're little kids! Brats! Rugra-" He made a slight noise in pain as Pan kicked him hard in the shin.

"You take that back!" She shouted at him.

"Pan-chan!" Her parents exclaimed in unison.

She looked down at the floor. "Gomen."

Trunks glared at her, rubbing his leg. "You see what I mean?"

Bulma walked over to the small group and made shooing gestures. "Go! Scat! Vamoose! Amscray! Tachisaru!" The three adults sighed heavily and departed the room again with the children trailing behind.

"Stupid kaasan," Trunks grumbled as they went towards the family room.

"I wish we could get them back," Goten said wistfully. Trunks froze in his tracks and grabbed the younger man by the shoulders.

"Goten, you're brilliant!"

He blinked in disbelief. "I am?"

Trunks released him and grinned menacingly.

"Oh no... I know that look. I will *not* get caught up in another one of your plans, Trunks!" He began to back away, hands outstretched.

"But it was your idea."

Goten shook his head frantically and tried to spot an escape route. The only exit was blocked by Trunks and he knew that he couldn't get around him if his friend didn't want him to. Marron, who was beside Trunks, agreed with revenge.

"I've got the perfect plan..." Trunks gathered the other two into a huddle and they began to confer.

***

Bulma had switched from champagne to water soon after because she knew that some of her guests had a low alcohol tolerance, like Yamcha for example. The last time they'd had beer, after three cans he was up on the coffee table singing "I'm A Little Teapot". They all received a good laugh from it -- and lots of Polaroids besides -- but still...

"I'll just go get some punch, alright?" She received brief nods from her conversing guests. Bulma made her way to the kitchen to retrieve the large crystal punch bowl.

***

Goten glanced away from the door where he'd been standing guard. "Your kaasan's coming. Hurry!" He still couldn't believe he was in on such a plan, but knew that it was going to be hilarious. Trunks and Marron finished pouring the Jack Daniels into the punch and quickly stirred it up, hoping that no one detected anything until they'd had a full healthy glassfuls. The three ran away just as Bulma entered the room.

"Hmm. I could have sworn that I heard voices," she mused to herself as she picked up the bowl and left. Trunks, Marron, and Goten high-fived each other from the back hallway. Phase One was now complete.

***

The spiked punch had been flowing freely throughout the room for some time now. Some, like Vegeta, were already on the seventh glass. The liquor that the two had added made their thirst greater for every glass that they consumed.

Goku thought that there was something different about the punch but couldn't he couldn't place it. He'd downed that first glass quickly and it had all gone downhill from there. Now he and ChiChi danced drunkenly to music that only they heard.

Krillin had preoccupied himself with trying to count the flowers on Bulma's tablecloth and kept coming up with a different number each time. "Will ya shtay shtill!" he slurred. "Iie! Don't shplit into three! Bad tablecloth!"

Juuhachi-gou, being an artificial ningen, had a higher tolerance. Somehow she'd gotten herself engaged in a drinking contest with the resident Saiya-jin and they were pretty well evenly matched. And so the eleventh glass was downed.

Gohan and Videl paid no attention to the antics of the others. They were so caught up with covering each available area of skin with kisses that nothing else mattered.

Yamcha and Bulma were just staring at each other. Just staring! Then their faces were slowly closing the gap that separated them and Yamcha's fogged mind sparked with happiness. Then his hopes were dashed as Bulma ducked around his body, giggling.

"Can't catch me!" she sang. Yamcha grinned back and the chase was on.

***

Trunks and the other two were literally rolling on the floor at the antics of the dinner guests. Bra and Pan snuck up behind them and peeked around.

"What'cha lookin' at?" Bra asked loudly. The three jerked around and promptly shushed her.

"You're not supposed to be watching this. You're too young."

She frowned. "Says who?"

"I do."

"Well, you're not my papa!"

"Duh!" He turned back around just in time to see Yamcha collide with a wall and bounced off. The warrior muttered, "Pardon me." before he took off after Bulma again.

Goten wiped the tears from his eyes. "This is a real Kodak Moment!"

Trunks' eyes lit up. "Goten, you did it again!"

Goten looked at him warily. "You practically hugged me before. If you're going to add a kiss to that, I think I'll pass."

Trunks laughed. "Maybe later."

The look on his friend's face was priceless.

"Gotcha!"

Goten clutched at his chest. "Don't do that!"

***

Another hour later, Bulma and the crew were walking around like zombies. Krillin yawned hugely and slowly made his way upstairs to catch some sleep. Videl followed him after making Gohan promise that he would follow her soon. Goku picked up the sleeping ChiChi and went upstairs as well while Yamcha tried to find his way out of the hall closet.

"Come on, Yamcha," Bulma said blearily. "You exit *this* way." She grabbed his arm and tried to lead him out and, as she did, got pulled inside. Yamcha giggled drunkenly in the dark and slowly closed the door.

Soon Vegeta was the only one still seated at the table. He stood and lurched over to the staircase, intending on going to bed.

***

Goku walked away from the bathroom. He'd deposited ChiChi in a room, but the bad thing was that he couldn't remember which one. He randomly picked a door and entered it. Removing his boots and climbing into bed, he turned onto his side.

"G'night, ChiChi," he mumbled sleepily.

"Good night, Krillin," was the response.

Goku froze. ' _Good night, *Krillin*?!_ ' He turned over slowly and pulled the covers away from the woman's head. Gasping, he jerked backwards in his surprise and landed on the floor.

"Juuhachi-gou!" he jumped to his feet, exclaiming.

She sat up quickly. "GOKU?!"

Then Krillin arrived at the door and, in his currently state, immediately lost it. "How dare you try to sleep with my wife!"

Goku started backing away. "It's not what it looks like!" Then the ki blasts started getting thrown. Goku dodged frantically, his reaction time slowed by the alcohol. Giving up, he ran toward a door off to the side and closed it firmly behind him.

"Oh! A bathroom!" He spotted a connecting door on the side and glanced back to the other one. He saw the pale energy of the Kienzan Disc slicing through the door and panicked. He opened the other door and slammed it shut behind him.

' _Good. An empty room._ ' He jumped into the closet to wait out the chaos.

***

Videl had gone back downstairs for her purse. She heard weird noises come from the closet and tip-toed over to investigate.

"Hello?" she called softly. "Is anyone in there?"

There was some shuffling and faint groaning. Then someone answered, "No!"

"Bulma-san?" Videl flung open the door and jumped back as two figures collapsed on the floor. "Bulma!" She looked closer. "And Yamcha?! Oh dear..."

The hostess looked up at her solemnly. "Don't tell Veggie, 'kay?"

"I don't know if I can *not* tell him."

"Just do it!" Then she and Yamcha started giggling as Nike commercials popped into their heads.

Yamcha's face was covered in lipstick and both their clothes were in disarray. They both stood and started towards the stairs, groping in places that Videl wished she hadn't seen.

"Oh boy," she said aloud to herself wearily. "There's going to be trouble in the morning."

***

Juuhachi-gou got up from where she was lying. It turned out that she really didn't like this room at all and wanted to switch with someone. Going out into the hallway, she picked another room by random and entered. Spotting ChiChi asleep on the bed, she quietly moved over to her.

' _She won't mind if we switch. I can pick her up and move her without her even knowing._ ' Lifting her gently, she walked to the other room and placed her upon the bed, returning in record time. ' _Now I can get some sleep..._ '

Five minutes later sleep claimed her and a figure entered the room. Getting into bed beside her, he poked he shoulder.

"Honey?" he whispered. "Are you asleep?"

"G'way," Juuhachi-gou mumbled. The figure shrugged and fluffed his pillow before lying down.

"Goodnight, Videl."

"Goodnight, Gohan."

***

Krillin hummed off-key as he continued his search for the wife-stealer. Eventually giving up pursuit because his senses were dull, he returned to the room that his Juu-chan was in. He raised his eyebrow in confusion when her hair looked darker and her body smaller, but he surmised that it was only a trick of the light. Yawning, he took off his shoes and laid down, pulling the covers up to his chin. Without ever bothering to say goodnight, he was soon fast asleep.

***

"This is great! Trunks exclaimed, snickering. He held a video camera in one hand and a plane tape recorder in the other.

Goten replaced the film in his camera and looked around for more unsuspecting people. Even Marron had a camera, a digital one, so that they could put the pictures on the Internet quickly.

Pan and Bra were trailing behind with cameras of their own. Their job was to photograph people in those "hard-to-reach" places. (i.e. under furniture) that the older ones couldn't fit into. Trunks gave in after bra threatened to tell their mother about the entire thing. They split up in the hallway and each quietly took a room.

***

The next day was one of the worst Vegeta ever had. He'd drank over twenty-five glasses of punch, but it was worth it to beat the jinzouningen. His head pounding, he rolled over and buried his face into his mate's neck.

'Wait a minute... Did she put on weight or something?' Reaching out with his clearing senses, he tried to detect her tiny ki but couldn't. In fact, he was unable to sense anyone's ki. The person he was hugging, rolled over to face him, snorted, stirred a bit, and relaxed. Slowly Vegeta opened his eyes, a little frightened by what he would see.

"OH MY KAMI!"

***

ChiChi snuggled in Goku's embrace for a moment before she realized that Goku didn't cuddle EVER. She reached back a hand and ran it along the person's body.

' _Head. Torso._ ' She blushed at the next part and quickly moved on. ' _Thighs. Shins. Feet._ ' Her face twisted in confusion. ' _My Goku is missing about two and a half feet!_ '

She sat up and looked over. ' _At least he's male and his hair is black, but it doesn't spike up. The only person whose hair's like this is..._ '

"KRILLIN!"

***

Trunks was woken up by the various bloodcurdling screams of horror and surprise. He reach down and poked Goten in his side, giving him a thumbs up and a grin.

"Phase Two is now complete."

***

Yamcha yawned hugely and hugged the person who was lying on top of him closer. ' _That's funny. I don't remember going out on a date last night. I thought I went to Bulma's hou-_ ' Then he opened his eyes.

"BULMA!"

And she was completely naked.

On second glance he noticed that he was as well.

***

Vegeta jumped up while grabbing the sheets. "What the hell are you going in my bed?!"

Goku blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked at his friend blearily. "Your bed? You mean that you're not ChiChi?"

"Kakarotto you baka! Does it *look* like I'm your silly ningen wife?"

"Iie. I guess you aren't." Goku stood and pulled on his pants. "Well, I'll be going now."

"You do that," Vegeta replied in a slightly shaking voice. "Just answer one question for me, first. Did we do *anything* last night?"

Goku's forehead creased with thought and, eventually, he shook his head no. "Besides you cuddling up to me and saying ai shiteru, absolutely nothing happened." He grinned, deciding to tease Vegeta. "I didn't know that you cared, Veggie-chan!"

The short Saiya-jin blushed and grabbed the lamp from the bedside table. "Unless you want this through your skull, I suggest that you leave now."

He received a grin as the taller man exited the room.

***

Trunks, Goten, Marron, Pan, and Bra came downstairs to get something to eat and found that Videl, Gohan, and Juuhachi-gou were already there making mounds of pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, and other breakfast foods. Actually, Gohan was the one cooking, believe it or not, and his wife and Juuhachi-gou were getting out dishes and setting out the platters of food.

"Ohayo!" Videl sang cheerfully. Since she hadn't been that drunk the night before, she didn't really have a headache; only mind discomfort. Gohan was the same way and since Juuhachi-gou was an artificial ningen, the hangover didn't linger long.

Trunks and his two accomplices exchanged confused looks. Gohan was in the same bed as Juuhachi-gou! Why were the acting to civil towards each other.

As if Gohan read their thoughts, he spoke. "I sensed everything."

They froze.

"Since I'd already suspected what had happened, we weren't angry at each other. Once I explained, that is." He absently rubbed the light bruise on his cheek. "Did you know that she has a mean left hook?"

Goten's eyes widened and he began to plead. "Niichan, *please* don't tell kaasan! It was those two!" He pointed at Trunks and Marron. "It was all there fault!"

The accused smacked him in the back of the head. "If we're going down, you're coming with us," Trunks growled.

"Damn straight," Marron added.

"Relax," Videl said. "No hard done."

Then the others arrived.

"ChiChi I said I was sorry! You didn't have to hit me with that frying pan so hard!" Krillin whined.

"It was the principle of the whole thing!" The two grabbed plates and eating utensils, taking them to seats at the table.

Vegeta and Goku were next. The short Saiya-jin, who was still just in his boxers, whispered to Goku at the doorway. "You better not tell anyone what happened."

Goku smiled and Vegeta instantly didn't like it. "Hai, Veggie. I can keep a secret you know."

"Good," he answered, unconvinced. They also took seats; Goku next to ChiChi and Vegeta as far away as he could get from them which put him beside Bra.

Yamcha entered next. Vegeta's heard jerked up at something, but he just dismissed it as his imagination. Until Bulma came into the room, that is.

He stood up and pointed an accusing finger at his mate. "You had sex with that baka ningen last night!"

Her eyes widened. "Nani?" she sputtered. She tried to cover up her guilt with feigned innocence. "What are you talking about?"

His eyes bored into hers. "You smell like him and he smells like you. The odor of sex also clings to you both."

"You can SMELL things like that?!" She hadn't gotten to take a shower yet and immediately wished that she hadn't been so hungry.

"Of course. All Saiya-jin can."

Without looking up from his plate, Goku decided to put his own two cents in. "He's right, you know. You did have sex."

"Well, thank you Goku!" Bulma said sarcastically. Then she noticed that sometime during the conversation, Yamcha had disappeared. ' _Well, that was probably for the best._ '

Gohan took a seat and glanced at Trunks, Goten, and Marron pointedly. "You do know that someone spiked the punch, don't you?"

Everyone else's heads snapped up except for Goku, who only nodded and said, "Thought something was a little off about that punch."

The demi-Saiya-jin nodded. The three culprits hurriedly excused themselves.

Bulma glared. "It was you three, wasn't it?"

Chairs scraped against the kitchen floor as everyone except Gohan, Videl, Juuhachi-gou, and Goku rose.

"You know what you need to do." Gohan told them.

"Hai," Trunks gulped. "RUN!"

And so the chase was on.


	2. MST Version

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've thought about it and thought about it and decided to only MST serious things. If you try to make something funnier than it already is, you ruin it. (By the way, I don't really watch Mystery Science Theatre) Now, after hearing this do you still want to read?

<The day had finally arrived. The food was finished, the decorations perfect, her outfit was perfect, her family was.... okay not so perfect.>

Bulma: When are they ever?

Veggie: Hush onna! Let her tell the story!

Goku Girl: Why thank you.

<But it was as good as it was going to get.>

Trunks: Hey! You make it sound like we're awful!

Goku Girl: Well, aren't you?

<"Veggie-chan! Get your short ass down here NOW!">

Veggie: I resent that. I am not short!

Bulma: Well, what do *you* call it then?

Goku Girl: Vertically challenged?

<"Do I have to?" he practically whined.>

Veggie: WHINE?! I, the Prince of the Saiyans, *whined*?

Goku Girl: What? You want me to make you bark instead? I can do that you know.

<"Hai Veggie.">

Goku Girl: What kind of veggie is she talking to? I find carrots particularly interesting.

Veggie: I question your sanity.

Goku Girl: You know? So do I!

<He appeared at the top of the stairs, head hung, shoulders slumped. He had on some navy blue khaki pants, a matching sports jacket, and a white shirt. Looking extremely miserable, he slowly made his way to the main floor.>

Gohan: Who wouldn't be miserable in that outfit?

Goku Girl: Hey! Do you know what Bulma had to go through to even get Veggie to put that on?

Bulma: That's right! It was hard work.

Veggie: What was so hard about it? It was either that or the sailor suit with short pants.

Goku Girl: But you have such nice legs!

<"Now, that wasn't so bad was it?">

Veggie: Yes.

<"You don't know the half of it," he muttered as he made his way to the couch to sulk.>

Veggie: Again, what is with me and the completely incorrect moods? I would never sulk!

Goku Girl: What do you call flying off when you discover Goku's stronger than you?

Goku: How about a 'Royal Tantrum'?

<Now it was Trunks' turn. The 20 year-old gracefully made his debut. Okay, so he tried but 8 year-old Bra tripped him and he landed head first at the bottom of the staircase.>

Trunks: I bet she didn't even get punished for that. The brat.

Bra: Papa! Trunks is calling me names!

Veggie: Trunks, go to your room.

Trunks: You see?

<"Ha HA!" Bra cried, pointing. It seems she was taking her obsession with the Simpsons a little too far.>

Bra: Since when did I watch the Simpsons?

Goku Girl: What? You wanna watch Barney?

<"I am  _*_ so* going to kill you!" he stood, brushing himself off.>

Trunks: You completely ruined my clothes!

Goku Girl: Trunks-chan, your mother is a billionaire. You can buy more.

Trunks: Oh yeah. She is.

<"You gotta catch me first!" she took off down the hallway into the deeper recesses of the building.>

Trunks: 'Deeper recesses'? You make it sound like a dungeon!

Goku Girl: Well, some people *are* tortured there.

Veggie: That's right! Like me.

<"What did I do to deserve such children!" Bulma threw her hands into the air.>

Goku Girl: Really Bulma, do I have to explain the process? You did it so much, I'm surprised that you don't have more!

Veggie: I made sure that she only got knocked up twice.

Bulma: Vegeta, do you have some kind of internal timer or something?

<"I know." She turned to her wayward husband. "They've got too many of your genes.">

Veggie: You're acting like it's all my fault! If it was up to me, I would have stuffed those two 'buns' right back in your 'oven'. It looks like they weren't quite done.

<He just rolled his eyes in response and went back to picking at the couch's leather upholstery.>

Bulma: Hasn't your mother ever told you not to mess with other people's furniture?

Veggie: (snorting) What mother? I don't think I ever had one.

Goku Girl: So your father's really a Namek in disguise?

<Bulma looked at her watch and began to pace. It was almost time for her guests to arrive.>

Bulma: And for my children to torture.

***

<Five minutes to eight o'clock had Bulma standing stiff as a board by the front door.>

Goku Girl: What? Too much starch?

Bulma: (sarcastically) No, it's really a statue.

Goku Girl: A *wooden* one?

<She wrung her hands in anticipation as she watched her family who were beside her.>

Goku Girl: If I were you, I would be scared.

Bra: Are you trying to say that we're brats?

Goku Girl: Are you trying to say that you're not?

<"Trunks, stop staring at yourself in the mirror.>

Trunks: I just love seeing perfection.

Bra: You do? Then gaze upon me because you ain't it.

<Your hair is fine and you aren't going to get wrinkles within thirty seconds.>

Trunks: How do you know about the wrinkles Kaasan? Are you a scientist?

Goku Girl: Baka, have you been sniffing markers again?

<Bra stop scuffing your shoes against my wooden floor unless you want to scrub it later on.>

Bra: If you hadn't got them so small, I wouldn't be trying to pry them off.

<Veggie-chan, stand up straight. Your posture is appalling.">

Veggie: First you call me 'Veggie-chan' and then you insult my posture? What is wrong with you?!

<Trunks smirked. "Nervous Kaasan?">

Goku Girl: Of course! If you have children like yourselves and you were trying to impress somebody, wouldn't you be too?

Trunks: You know, you're right.

<She glared at him briefly.>

Goku Girl: Oooh! Scary!

<"Trunks dear, unless you don't want to be able to go with Goten to that concert tomorrow you will make a wise decision and NOT SCREW WITH ME! Do you understand?" she finished sweetly.>

Bra: I have one question, how can you threaten someone sweetly?

Goku Girl: Bra, unless you want Yajirobe to be the father of your children in my next fic, I advise you to shut up.

<Trunks blinked and nodded.>

Veggie: Doing your best Kakarott imitation, eh?

Goku: To do you, all he has to do is blow up a liquor store when they don't give him the correct change for his 40 ounce.

<"Good!" Then the doorbell rang. "Remember what I said you three." She smoothed her dress down and opened it. Trunks and Bra leaned forward to see who it was that their mother was making them act all proper for. They almost facevaulted when they saw who had arrived.>

Trunks: Master Roshi in a speedo?

Goku Girl: Don't say things like that! It might come true.

Bulma: (covering ears) La, la, la. I'm not listening!

<"ChiChi. Goku. How nice to see you!">

Goku Girl: I'm sure she was just saying that to ChiChi to be polite.

Veggie: (nodding) I'm sure too.

<She motioned to Trunks to take their coats.>

Trunks: Great! I'm now a living coat rack.

Bra: You certainly have the IQ for it.

<"Follow Bra to the parlor.">

Goku Girl: Said the spider to the fly.

All: (blinking confusedly)

Goku Girl: Nothing.

<Goku looked at her blankly>

Goku Girl: Ah! A common expression!

<and whispered to Vegeta as he was lead by. "What's a parlor?">

Goku Girl: Goku, she's inviting you for a manicure. What color polish do you want?

Goku: Orange.

Goku Girl: Of course.

<"It's a living room.">

Goku: Really? Will it eat me?

Goku Girl: (shaking head) You *must* be lacking in basic vitamins and minerals so I would say, no.

<"Then why didn't she say so?">

Goku Girl: Bulma's favorite hobby is confusing people.

Bra: And putting on airs.

Goku Girl: She doesn't want anyone to know that she's not a goddess.

<The short saiyan just shrugged and followed.>

Goku Girl: Come on everybody! Let's play follow the leader!

Veggie: I wouldn't follow Kakarott *anywhere*.

<"You can come in Goten. Just go with Trunks and don't cause any trouble.">

Goku Girl: Goten's a good kid. He's not like Bulma's demon spawn. But putting him and Trunks together was a big mistake. And you're supposed to be a genius!

Goku: Maybe Bulma was having an off-day?

<She closed the door and leaned against it.>

Goku Girl: Who are you trying to keep out?

ChiChi: Maybe the IRS has come to audit.

<"Hai Bulma-san," he trudged off after his best friend.>

Goku Girl: And that marks the beginning of a disaster.

<The doorbell rang again and this time it was Krillin and Juuhachi-gou.>

Goku Girl: Why did you invite them again?

Goku: Maybe she didn't want them to feel left out.

<Marron walked in behind them mumbling something about 'boring parties and even more boring people'. Juu-chan shushed her and hugged Bulma.>

Veggie: When has that blasted android ever been that kind?

Goku Girl: She's been attending ChiChi's 'meetings'.

<"How are you doing tonight?" she asked.>

Veggie: I'm in dress clothes, how do you *think* I'm doing? (pausing) Wait, she was talking to Bulma wasn't she?

Goku Girl: Ding, ding, ding! Give the man a prize!

<"Perfectly fine. The kids and Vegeta haven't done anything wrong.... yet.">

Goku Girl: Oh but at least one of them will. Count on it.

<Juuhachi-gou laughed politely>

Goku Girl: Again with the false behavior.

<and walked towards Bra.>

Bulma: And what would she have to say to a child?

Goku Girl: (mimicking Juuhachi-gou) Bra dear, has your mother been taking her medication?

<Bulma smiled at Krillin>

Goku Girl: Watch out Veggie! You have competition!

Veggie: (snorting) I seriously doubt it.

<and Marron before they moved to follow her. She had a brief rest period until the doorbell rang again....>

Goku Girl: And again, and again, and again until Bulma got so feed up she shot the thing with her pistol.

Trunks: And the next guest too.

Goku Girl: That will teach that evil doorbell to not mess with Bulma Briefs!

***

<Bulma stood from her seat at the head of the dinner table>

Goku Girl: And everyone is still alive, thanks to the fact that she didn't cook the meal.

<and raised her champagne glass.>

Goku Girl: Taping into the bubbly are we Bulma? Don't drink too much now.

<The children had been allowed to come back into the diningroom for just this toast but then they had to go back.>

Goku Girl: Shoo fly don't bother me. Shoo fly don't bother me.

<"I would like to propose a toast to>

Goku Girl: No more children...

<no enemies," the rest raised their glasses (and Goku's was filled with water)>

Goku Girl: Since he makes a *huge* point of being against drinking. In the dub anyway.

Veggie: When everyone knows that every Saturday you can find him passed out at the bus station.

<at the words. Bulma looked to the young ones and raised an eyebrow.>

Goku Girl: You know the drill.

<"You may go back now."

"Kaasan!" Trunks whined.>

Bra: That was *real* mature Trunks.

<"Do Goten, Marron, and I really have to? We're adults you know!" The other two nodded.>

Bulma: The Three Musketeers.

Goku: Candy? Where?

<"I'm afraid that you do. You just act too childish for my tastes.">

Goku Girl: Bulma, what does childish taste like anyway?

Bulma: Just like chicken.

<"Then Tousan should be here with us too," Goten muttered.>

Goku: Hey! That wasn't very nice.

Veggie: But you know it's the truth.

Goku: I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bouces off of me and sticks to you.

Veggie: I rest my case.

<Trunks tried again. "But they're little kids! Brats! Rugra--" He made a slight noise in pain as Pan kicked him  _*hard*_ in the shin.

"You take that back!">

Goku Girl: How can he? *You're* the one who did it? And besides, you can't hand off pain to someone else no matter how much you want to.

Trunks: (glaring at Bra) I say this from experience.

Bra: (smirking) PAPA!

<"Pan-chan!" Videl and Gohan exclaimed.>

Gohan: Good job! You inherited all of your strength from me.

Videl: But your aim from *me*.

<She looked down. "Gomen."

Trunks glared at her, rubbing his leg.>

Gohan: (glaring) Do you want my Pan-chan to burst into flames? You been giving her that look for quite some time now.

Trunks: (whimpering) No Gohan! Please don't hurt me!

<"You see what I mean?">

Goku Girl: No, I don't. Would you care to demonstrate?

<Bulma walked over to the small group and made shooing gestures. "Go! Scat! Vamoose! Amscray! Tachisaru!">

Goku Girl: In other words, go the hell away.

<The three adults sighed heavily and left the room again, the children trailing behind.>

***

<"Stupid Kaasan, think she's so bad..." Trunks grumbled as they walked towards the family room.>

Bulma: Who the hell are you calling stupid? I'll have you know that by your age, I was--

Goku Girl: Bulma?

Bulma: Hai?

Goku Girl: No one cares.

<"I wish we could get them back...." Goten said wistfully.>

Goku Girl: Who stole them from you?

Veggie: (sarcastically) Did Frieza come into your house last night?

Goku: Frieza?! (powering up) Let's go!

<Trunks froze in his tracks>

Goku Girl: Wait a minute, who has the freeze ray?

<and grabbed him by his shoulders.>

Goku Girl: Getting a little frisky are we?

Bra: Yeah! Get a room!

<"Goten you're brilliant!">

Bra: (sarcastically) Do we know the same Goten?

<The young man blinked. "I am?">

ChiChi: Oh dear, you're too much like your father. Typical Goku response.

<Trunks released him and grinned menacingly.>

Goku Girl: First you want to screw him, now you want to hurt him. Wait, are you into that kind of stuff Trunks?

Trunks: Oh shut up!

<"Oh no.. I know that look.>

Goku Girl: You are!

<I will *not* get caught up>

Goku Girl: ...in your web of deceit.

Gohan: (snickering) In his web of rope.

<in another one of your plans Trunks!" He began to back away, hands outstretched.>

Bra: Look, you're scaring him Niichan. Are you that bad?

Goku Girl: (shouting) Leave him Goten! Find another woman, er man, er *significant other*.

<"But it was your idea.">

(All gasping)

<Goten shook his head frantically and tried to spot an escape route.>

Goku Girl: Goten, will you make up your mind? Are you with him or aren't you?

<The only way out of the room was blocked by Trunks and he knew that he wouldn't get around him if his friend didn't want him to.>

Goku Girl: Tsk, tsk, tsk. So many troubled relationships in the world today.

<Marron, who was beside Trunks, nodded in agreement.>

Goku Girl: Oooh kinky! A threesome!

<"I've got the perfect plan..." Trunks gathered the other two in a huddle and they started to confer.>

Goku Girl: Who gets to do who first? Who's in the middle?

Trunks & Goten: That's none of your business!

Bulma: So you admit it?

(Silence)

Goku Girl: Thought so.

***

<Bulma had switched from champagne to water soon after because she knew some of them had a low alchohol tolerance.>

Goku Girl: Just take the potential fun right out of your party.

<Like Yamcha for example.>

Bulma: Mister 'I'm not good at anything'.

Goku Girl: I'm not going to say a word.

<The last time they had beer after four cans he was up on the coffee table with a lamp shade on his head singing 'I'm a Little Tea Pot'. They all got a good laugh from it --and lots of polaroids besides-- but still...>

Veggie: But still nothing! Get him drunk, make him run down the street naked!

Goku Girl: What? You wanna see or something?

Bulma: Relax Veggie-chan, you're still "Mr. Big".

<"I'll just go get some punch, alright?">

Veggie: This onna can screw up punch.

Bulma: I can also stop screwing you. Take you pick.

<She got some brief nods from where the others were in small conversations. She made her way to the kitchen to get the large crystal punch bowl.>

***

<Goten glanced from the door where he had been standing guard.>

Goku Girl: Parents aren't invited to the "Love-Fest".

<"Your Kaasan's coming. Hurry!">

Goku Girl: (snicker) No comment necessary. (thinking it over) Yes there is. Go Super Saiyan Trunks!

<Trunks and Marron finished pouring liquor into the punch and quickly stirred it up, hoping that she didn't detect it before they all had a few good glasses. The three ran away just as Bulma entered the room.

"Hmm. I could have sworn I heard voices...">

Veggie: Onna, are you going crazy?

Goku Girl: No, that's not it. You see Veggie-chan, some people have a little thing called a 'conscience'...

<she mused to herself as she picked the bowl up and left. Trunks, Marron, and Goten high-fived each other from the back hallway.>

Bra: Good job on cleaning up your 'mess'.

Goku Girl: (blinking) Bra, how old are you again?

Bra: Old enough.

<Phase One was now complete.>

***

<The spiked punch had been flowing freely throughout the room for some time now.>

Goten: You mean, think Jumanji?

Goku Girl: (rolling eyes) Sure Goten. Whatever you say.

<Some, like Vegeta, were already on their seventh glass.>

Goku Girl: You go Veggie-chan!

<The liquor that the two had added made their thirst greater for every glass that they consumed.

Goku thought something was different but he couldn't place it.>

Veggie: Like most simple concepts.

<He had downed that first glass quickly and it had all gone downhill from there.>

Trunks: What a crappy alcohol tolerance!

<Now he and ChiChi were drunkenly dancing to music that only they heard.>

Bra: (singing) My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why... I got out of bed at all. The morning rain clouds up my window... and I can't see at all--

Goku Girl: (interrupting) Bra, I really don't think they would dance to Eminem.

Bra: (pouting) I would.

<Krillin had preoccupied himself with trying to count the flowers on Bulma's table cloth and he kept coming up with a different number each time.>

Veggie: Short man, it's really easy. Ichi, ni, san, shi--

Goku Girl: I think he gets it, thank you.

Veggie: No problem.

<"Will ya stay still?!"he slurred. "Iie! Don't split into three!">

Goku Girl: Oh wow! It can do the same thing as Piccolo! Has it been taking lessons?

Veggie: (snorting) Baka.

Goku Girl: I know you are, but what am I?

<Juuhachi-gou, being an android, had a higher tolerance. Somehow she had gotten herself engaged in a drinking contest with the resident midget saiyan and they were pretty well evenly matched.>

Veggie: That is the *third* time someone has called me short!

Goku: (shaking his head) Nope. They said short only once. The other two times it was 'midget'.

Veggie: (shrugging) Same difference.

<And so the eleventh glass was downed.>

Trunks: (singing) Eleven glasses of punch in them both, eleven glasses of punch. Pour one up, miss the cup, Eleven glasses of punch in them both. Twelve glasses of punch in them both, twelve glasses of punch--

Everyone: Stop! You're killing the song!

<Gohan and Videl just watched with only slightly dulled senses.>

Pan: Four glasses for Tousan, three for Kaasan.

<They were so caught up in covering every available area of free skin on each others bodies with kisses that they didn't do much else.>

Goten: Those two *really* need a room.

Goku Girl: (winking) That comes later.

<Yamcha and Bulma were just staring at each other. Just staring!>

Veggie: Okay, that's enough. Back away from my mate, human, back away from my mate.

<Then their faces were slowly closing the gap that seperated them>

Veggie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

<and Yamcha's fogged mind sparked with happiness.>

Goten: And he's saying to himself 'I'm gonna get some! I'm gonna get some!'

<Then his hopes were dashed as Bulma ducked around his body, giggling.>

Goku Girl: Ha! Gotcha!

<"Can't catch me!" she sang. Yamcha grinned back and the chase was on.>

Veggie: Run Bulma! Run like the wind!

***

<Trunks and the other were rolling on the ground at the other's antics.>

Bulma: You're getting your good clothes dirty!

<Bra and Pan snuck up behind them and peeked around.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Bra asked loudly.>

Goten: I see London, I see France, I saw Marron's underpants.

Goku Girl: .... as they were flung across the room last night.

<The three jerked around and promptly shushed her.>

Goku Girl: This is a private viewing. Please go away now.

<"You're not supposed to be watching this. You're too young.">

Bra: I'm not young enough not to see your hand going up Marron's thigh. I'm not going to say where your other hand is on Goten.

Trunks & Goten: Will you quit that?!

<She frowned. "Says who?">

Bulma: The president of the United States.

Goku Girl: Whoever that may be.

<"I do.">

Bra: Do? Do what?

Goku Girl: Who else? He does--

Trunks: (glaring) Don't even say it.

<"Well you're not my Daddy!"

"Duh!" He turned back around and laughed again as Yamcha collided with the wall and bounced off.>

Goten: (imitating Eugene from 'Hey Arnold') I'm okay!

<The warrior muttered 'Pardon me'>

Goku Girl: Do you have some Grey Poupon?

<before he took off after Bulma again.

Goten wiped the tears from his eyes. "This is a real Kodak Moment!">

Gohan: It's that blackmailing time of year, eh?

<Trunks' eyes lit up. "Goten you did it again!">

Goten: (singing) Opps! I did it again! I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Ooh baby, baby. Oops! You think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above--

Goku Girl: What? Is it your turn to break out into song?

Goten: (grinning: Yup!

<Goten looked at him warily. "You practically hugged me before. If you're going to add a kiss to that I think I'll pass.">

Goku Girl: Why? Does he have some kind of contagious disease?

<Trunks laughed. "Maybe later."

The look on his friend's face was priceless.>

Goku Girl: A hug from Trunks: $20.00, a kiss from Marron: $50.00, a look on Goten's face that's something other than confusion: Priceless.

Goten: Ha ha. Real funny.

Goku Girl: I thought so anyway.

<"I'm kidding!">

Bra: (skeptical) Uh huh, sure.

<Goten clutched at his heart. "Don't do that!">

Goku Girl: Maybe that heart disease Goku had really was genetic after all.

Goten: (mock afraid) Am I going to die?

***

<Another hour later Bulma and the crew were all walking around like zombies.>

Goten: It's Night of the Living Dead all over again.

<Krillin yawned hugely>

Goku Girl: Don't hurt your jaw now.

<and slowly made his way upstairs to catch some sleep.>

Trunks: At *our* house!

<Videl followed him after making Gohan promise he would join her soon.>

Goten: Niichan probably had about 20 more glasses of punch since before. He probably doesn't even remember how to spell his own name.

<Goku picked up the sleeping ChiChi and went upstairs>

Veggie: Naturally Kakarott is the only bakayaro in the whole house still sober.

<while Yamcha tried to find his way out of the hall closet.>

Veggie: What? Did he think it was the bathroom or something?

<"Come on Yamcha," Bulma said blearily. "You exit  _*this_ * way.">

Goku Girl: Am I the only one who doesn't like the way that sounds?

Trunks: Nope. Looks like Yamcha has a little problem in the bedroom.

<She grabbed his arm and tried to lead him out>

Goten: Isn't that the wrong thing to be grabbing?

<and as she did, Bulma got yanked in.>

Goku Girl: (to self) Just don't think about that one. It's best not to think.

<Yamcha giggled drunkenly in the dark and slowly closed the door...>

Goten: (cheering) SCORE!

<Soon Vegeta was the only one still seated at the table.>

Gohan: And he saw none of this.

<He stood and lurched over to the staircase intending on going to bed.>

***

<Goku walked from the bathroom.>

Trunks: (singing... again) How dry I am, how wet I'll be.

Goten: (joining him) If I don't find the bathroom key!

<He had depsosited ChiChi in a room>

ChiChi: Leaving so soon Goku-sa?

<but the bad thing was he couldn't remember which one.>

All (except Goku): ::sweatdrop::

<He just randomly picked a door>

Goku Girl: Eanie, meanie, miney mo. Catch a tiger by his toe, if he hollers let him go, eanie, meanie, miney, mo!

Veggie: Someone call the men in the white coats! We have a looney on the loose!

<and entered it. Removing his boots and climbing into bed he turned onto his side.>

ChiChi: Good Goku. (patting his head) No boots in bed? I've taught you well!

<"G'night ChiChi." he mumbled.>

Goku Girl: Aw! He remembered to say it!

ChiChi: I threatened not to cook dinner if he didn't.

<"Good night Krillin," Was the response.>

Veggie: Kakarott, you dishonorable cur!

Goku Girl: Hey wait a minute! That's Wufei's line!

Goten: (rolling his eyes) Stupid Gundam Wing reference.

<Goku froze.  _'Good night Krillin?'_  He turned over slowly and pulled the covers back from the figure's head. Gasping he fell onto the floor in his surprise.>

Goten: Don't hurt yourself Tousan.

<"Juuhachi-gou!" he jumped to his feet exclaiming.>

Bra: I'm telling ChiChi! I'm telling ChiChi!

<She sat up quickly. "GOKU?!">

Goku Girl: Who else? He's the tallest of everyone at the party tonight. With the possible exception of Gohan and Yamcha.

<Then Krillin arrived at the door and in his current state he automatically lost it.>

Veggie: Lost what? The rest of his hair?

Krillin: I'm not that old!

Goku Girl: Look who decided to join us. Where were you?

Trunks: At the new Miracle Size Growth place?

Goku Girl: Watch it Trunks, you're not that tall yourself.

<"How dare you try to sleep with my wife!">

Gohan: Krillin, he was literally *sleeping* with her. They weren't screwing like rabbits.

<Goku started backing up.

"It's not what it looks like!">

All: (blinking)

Goten: Then what *does* it look like?

Goku Girl: Rain?

(silence)

Goku Girl: Nevermind.

<Then the ki blasts started getting thrown.>

Goku Girl: Over here! I'm open! I'm open!

<Goku dodged frantically. His reaction time was slowed significantly>

Veggie: (solemnly) All that spiked punch.

Goten: Oh.

Goku Girl: Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner! That is what I truly want to be~e!

All: (singing) Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner! They all the world would be in love with me!

Goten: (blinking) Are those really the right words?

Goku Girl: (shrugging) Who cares.

<and he ran toward a door off to the side, closing it firmly behind him.>

Gohan: Does he actually think that would stop a ki blast?

Veggie: (snorting) Probably one of Krillin's.

Krillin: Oh go ahead. Lower my self-esteem further.

Goku Girl: What? It's fun!

<"Oh! A bathroom!">

Goku Girl: What is with him and bathrooms?

Veggie: That's where he hides his stash.

Bra: Of what?

(silence)

Goku Girl: Bra, it was a beer joke. You had to be there.

<He saw a connecting door on the side and glanced back to the other one.>

Goku Girl: It's a bird, no it's a plane, it's Super Goku with his x-ray vision!

Gohan: *I'm* the superhero! Not him. ME!

Goku Girl: With those goofy costumes and moves I wouldn't be telling anyone that.

<He saw the pale energy of a Kienzan Disc (Destructo Disc) slicing through the door and panicked.>

Veggie: Kakarott, how many times stronger are you than Krillin?

Goku: (counting on his fingers) 1, 5, 10.... Lots!

<He opened the other door and slammed it shut behind him.>

Goku Girl: Instantly waking the dead.

_< 'Good. An empty room.'>_

(ominous music)

Trunks: (deep voice) Or so it seems....

<He jumped into the closet to wait out the chaos.>

***

<Videl had gone back downstairs to get her purse that she had left.>

Pan: And look, it's not there anymore.

Goku Girl: What did it do? Get up and walk away?

Goku: (screaming) AHHHHH! Living purses!

(all shake there heads)

<She heard weird noises coming from the closet>

Trunks: (moaning) Oh! Oh! Yesssss! Yesssss!

All: (raising eyebrows)

Trunks: (pulls out Herbal Essences Bottle) This is some great stuff!

<and tip-toed over to investigate.>

Goku Girl: Look, it's Sherlock Videl and her partner... (pausing & looking around) the Invisible Man!

<"Hello?" he called softly. "Is anyone in there?">

Goten: (in a high voice) Only a cheating wife and a horny desert bandit.

<There was some shuffling and some faint groaning. Then someone answered. "No!">

Goku Girl: So the closet can talk?

Gohan: And grope?

<"Bulma-san?" Videl flung open the door and jumped back as two figures collapsed on the floor.>

Bra: Ooh Kaasan! You're in trouble now!

<"Bulma!" She looked closer. "And Yamcha?! Oh dear...">

Goku Girl: Oh dear is right. When Vegeta finds out, Yamcha is going to be just like a deer.

Goten: That got hit by a car.

Goku Girl: Travelling at 100 miles per hour.

<Bulma looked at her solemnly. "Don't tell Veggie, 'kay?">

Goku Girl: See? I told you Bulma has conversations with vegetables.

Goku: Ooh! What kind?

<"I don't know if I can  _*not_ * tell him.">

Pan: It's really easy Kaasan, just *don't*.

<"Just do it!" Then she and Yamcha started giggling all over again as Nike commercials popped into their heads.>

Goku Girl: One of my favorites is the Y2K one. Wouldn't that be funny if that plane had fallen out of the sky right onto Relena Peacecraft's head?

Gohan: What have you got against Relena?

Goku Girl: Everything though the Heero stalking is the most obvious.

<Yamcha's face was covered in lipstick and both their clothes were in disarray.>

Trunks: (shuddering) At least they're still wearin' 'em.

<They both stood and started towards the stairs groping in places that Videl wished she had rather not seen.>

Goku Girl: Just turn away Videl. It's not that hard.

Videl: (dramatically) But the memory will remain forever.

<"Oh boy," she said aloud to herself wearily. "There's going to be some trouble in the morning.">

Goku Girl: Definitely.

***

<Juuhachi-gou got up from where she was laying. It turned out that she really didn't like this room at all and wanted to switch with someone.>

Krillin: (blinking) What?

Goku Girl: So the ever-silent one decided to say something else!

Krillin: (ignoring me) Why would she want to leave? So I couldn't find her? Oh Juu-chan!

Goku Girl: (smacking him) Get a hold of yourself, man. We have a fanfic to MST.

<Going out into the hallway, she picked a door and entered.>

Goku Girl: Eanie, meanie, miney mo--

Trunks: (covering my mouth) On with the fic.

<Spotting ChiChi asleep on the bed, she quietly moved over to her.>

Veggie: Pulled out a katana, and cut of her head!

Goku Girl: And the world rejoices.

< _'She won't mind if we switch. I can pick her up and move her without her even knowing.'_  Lifting her gently she walked over to the other room, placed her on the bed, and returned in record time.>

Goten: Kaasan can wake up with the air in her room changes temperature but yet, she can sleep even when soemone moves her bodily to another room.

Goku Girl: She's drunk, remember?

Goten: (blinking) Oh yeah.

< _'Now I can get some sleep...'_ >

Krillin: I seriously doubt it. I'm not by your side.

Goku Girl: Hush.

<Five minutes later sleep had claimed her and a figure entered the room.>

Gohan: It's Tousan, getting revenge for his wife's murder.

Goku Girl: Do you know the same Goku as I do? I doubt he would even notice.

Goku: Yes I would! I'm not that slow.

Goku Girl: Then we're definitely not talking about the same Goku.

<Laying down beside her he poked at her.>

Veggie: Are you done on that side? He wants you to turn over.

<"Honey?" the figure whispered. "Are you asleep?">

Goku Girl: If she was, she's not now.

<"G'way." Juu-chan mumbled. The figure shrugged and fluffed his pillow to get more comfortable.>

Veggie: Seems like this baka doesn't know how to follow directions.

<"Good night Videl.">

Veggie: And it's the smart one too!

<"Good night Gohan.">

All: (blinking)

Goten: She knows who it is but yet she's still there?

Goku Girl: (to Krillin) Seems to me that your wife is having fantasies about your friend.

Krillin: (crying) Oh no! My Juu-chan!

Gohan: (consoling Krillin) Calm down, it's not that bad. At least I'm still faithful to Videl.

Krillin: (glaring)

***

<Krillin hummed off key as he continued his search for the wife-stealer.>

Goku Girl: (to Trunks & Goten) No song? Fine, I'll do it. Goku, Goku. What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when Krillin comes for you?

<Giving up persuit after a while he returned to the room that his Juu-chan was in.>

Bra: Not any more. She set you up for bruises in the morning.

Goten: And still, Kaasan slept through all of this. I don't get it.

<He raised his eyebrow because he swore her hair was darker but that was probably just a trick of the light.>

Goku Girl: Oh yeah sure. The darkness can turn blond hair black. And fairies stole Veggie-chan's liquor.

Veggie: (gasping) Is that what happened to it?

<Yawning he took off his shoes and laid down, pulling the covers up to his chin.>

Trunks: When he knows that they can go even higher.

Goku Girl: (as Krillin) Help! I'm lost in my covers and I can't find my way home!

All: (except Krillin) ::snicker::

Krilling: (pouting) That was mean.

<Without even bothering to say goodnight, he was fast asleep.>

Krillin: I'm mad at her for switching rooms on me.

***

<"This is great!" Trunks exclaimed, snickering. He held a camcorder in one hand and just a plain sound recorder in the other.>

Bra: Niichan, why do you have both?

Goku Girl: Because he's "special".

Trunks; (beaming) Arigatou!

Bra: (nodding) I see.

<Goten replaced the film in his camera>

Trunks: You really know how to do that?

Goten: (punching him in the stomach) Shut up.

<and looked around for more unsuspected people.>

Veggie: And we have a typo.

Goku Girl: UnsuspectING. My bad.

<Even Marron had a camera, a digital one, so that they could put these pictures on the internet quickly.>

Bra: (as announcer) Come one, come all! To the greatest picture show on Chikyuu! The Dinner Party From Hell!

Goku Girl: Coming to an internet site near you.

<Pan and Bra were trailing behind with cameras of their own.>

Bra: How come we get the cheap disposable ones?

Pan: Yeah! I doubt Ojisan can even use the one he has.

Goten: (glaring) I can so! (he takes a picture) See?

Bra: Go-chan, the lense cap comes *off*.

Goten: Oh.

<Their job was to photograph people in those "hard-to-reach" places>

Trunks: You make it sound like they're vacuuming.

Goku Girl: Okay that's it Trunks. I'm am *so* tired of your remarks. You're Frieza's new boyfriend in my next fic.

Trunks: (screaming) NOOOO! I'll be good, I promise.

Goku Girl: I thought so.

<(i.e. under beds) that the older ones couldn't fit in.>

Goten: Even the crawl space?

Goku Girl: (nodding) Yes. Even that.

<Trunks have in after Bra threatened to tell their mother the whole thing.>

Trunks: (fiercly) When you least expect it, I will strike.

Bra: (taking a deep breath) PA--!

Trunks: (covering her mouth and laughing nervously) I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

<They split up in the hallway and each took a room.>

***

<The next day was one of the worst that Vegeta had ever felt. He had drank over 25 glasses of punch but it was worth it to beat that jinzouningen. His head pounding, he rolled over and hugged his wife closer to him.>

Goku Girl: Aw! How sweet!

Veggie: Sweet nothing. She hogs the covers, it's the only way I can get warm!

< _'Wait a minute.... Did she put on weight or something?_ '>

Bulma: (glaring) Take it back.

Veggie: (stubborn) No.

Bulma: Couch, NOW!

Veggie: I'm sorry dear. Don't do that to me! Gomen nasai, gomen nasai!

Goku Girl: (bringing out a whip) Whip it good.

<Reaching out with his senses he tried to sense her ki but couldn't.>

Goten: I don't get that sentence.

Trunks: What *do* you get?

<In fact he couldn't feel anyone's ki.>

Goku Girl: Hangovers will do that to your senses.

<The person he was hugging rolled over to face him, snorted, stirred a bit, and relaxed.>

Gohan: Tousan can sleep through Cell, Brolli, King Kold, and 2nd form Frieza breakdancing in his room.

<Slowly Vegeta opened his eyes a little frightened at what he would see.>

Goku Girll: (imitating Vegeta) Oh no! I'm hugging a corpse.

Trunks: And ChiChi's headless one at that.

Goten: Guys, quit it.

<"OH MY KAMI!">

***

<ChiChi snuggled in her Goku's embrace for a moment before she realized that Goku didn't cuddle EVER.>

Goku Girl: You're awfull smart ChiChi. When did you *ever* seen Goku showing affection to *anyone*?

ChiChi: (thinking it over) You're right.

Goku: Hey! I do!

Trunks: With occasional hair ruffles and smiles.

<She reached back a hand and ran it along the person's body.>

Goku Girl: Now ChiChi, why would you do that to a perfect stranger?

Goten: I know Kaasan! It could be Master Roshi in your bed or something.

 _< 'Head. Torso._ She blushed at the next one and moved on.>

Trunks: (mock gapsing) Groping a stranger too! You animal!

ChiChi: (pulling out a frying pan) Do you want some of this?

Trunks: (meek) No ma'am.

 _< Legs. Feet._' She blinked at the last two. ' _My Goku's missing about two and half feet!' >_

Goku Girl: Is he like an spider? How many feet does he have anyway?

Bulma: Obviously more than two.

<She sat up and looked over.  _'At least he's male and also has black hair but it doesn't spike up. The only person whose hair is black and lays down flat is...' >_

All: (except ChiChi) Yajirobe!

<"KRILLIN!">

***

<Trunks woke up from the various bloodcurdling screams her heard.>

Trunks: (frowning) This typo isn't at all funny.

Bra: And it's even grammatically incorrect.

Goku Girl: Gomen nasai! You complain entirely too much. (takes trusty pen and makes corrections) Are you happy now?

Trunks: (smiling) Hai.

<He poked Goten (who was sleeping on the floor) in his side and gave him a thumbs up.>

Bulma: You can't even share a bed with your best friend!

Goten: No Bulma-san it was my choice. I don't trust him.

<"Phase Two is now complete.">

Goku Girl: Hey! Is anyone else getting flashbacks from movie number 3?

(All hands rose.)

Goku Girl: I thought as much.

Trunks: (smirking) As much as what? Goku?

Goku Girl: (glaring) Shut up.

***

<Yamcha yawned hugely and hugged the person who was laying on top of him closer.>

Goku Girl: You haven't even opened your eyes!

< _'That's funny. I don't remember going out on a date yesterday. I thought I went to Bulma's hou--'_ >

Goten: What's a 'hou'?

Goku: How what?

<The he opened his eyes.>

Veggie: Typo numbe three.

<"BULMA!"

And she was butt naked.>

Goku Girl: Well, to do what you did you generally have to be.

<And on second glance he noticed that he was as well.>

***

<"Get away of me you freak!" Vegeta jumped up while grabbing the sheets. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?">

Trunks: You invited him, don't you remember?

Veggie: Brat, if you don't be quiet....

<Goku blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked at Vegeta blearily. "Your bed? You mean you're not ChiChi?">

Goten: (sarcastically) No Tousan, he's Satan come to claim your soul.

<"Kakarott no baka! Does it  _*look_ * like I'm your silly human wife?">

Goku Girl: (as Goku) No! You're my silly Saiyan teddy bear!

<"Iie. I guess you aren't." Goku stood and pulled his pants over his boxers.>

Veggie: At least he wasn't naked.

<"Well, I'll be going now.">

Veggie: Of course you are 'cause you're not staying here with me! I don't swing that way.

Goku Girl: Really? Which way *do* you swing?

Bra: To the left? Or to the right?

<"You do that." Vegeta replied shakily. "Just answer one question for me: Did we do  _*anything*_  last night?">

Goten: (singing) You drank a little punch, made a little love. You got down last night! You got down last night!

Veggie & Goku: Be quite Goten!

<Goku's forehead creased with thought and he shook his head no. "Besides you cuddling up to me and saying ai shiteru absolutely nothing happened.">

Goku: (hugging Veggie) I love you too!

Veggie: (gasping for breath) Let me go Kakarott!

<He grinned suddenly and decided to tease Vegeta further. "I didn't know that you cared Veggie-chan!">

Veggie: I don't.

<The short saiyan blushed and grabbed the a lamp on the bedside table.>

Goku Girl: Open hand. Hurl a lamp.

<"Unless you want this through your skull you will leave  _*now*_." >

ChiChi: Goku's skull? You need something a lot harder than that!

Goku Girl: Like a chain saw.

<Goku grinned again and ran out of the room.>

Goku Girl: (holding a pretend mike) Goku, we're all curious here. How much stronger are you than Vegeta?

Veggie: (grabbing ChiChi and making a ki blast) Say it and the bitch dies.

Goku: (counting again) 5, 8.... Uh, I dunno. A lot?

Veggie: (bursting into tears) You're stronger than me!

Goku Girl: (laughing) You're just figuring that out?

***

<Trunks, Goten, Marron, Pan, and Bra came downstairs to get something to eat and found that Videl, Gohan, and Juu-chan were already there making mounds of blueberry pancakes, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, and other breakfast foods.>

Goten: Let's eat!

Goku: I call everything on that table.

Veggie: You can't do that!

Goku: Who says?

Veggie: (standing tall) Your king.

All (except Vegeta) ::laughing hysterically::

Veggie: Stop that!

<Actually Gohan was the one cooking believe it or not>

Videl: My Gohan is a great cook!

Gohan: Yeah. At least I don't blow up the kitchen. (shooting Goku and Vegeta a pointed look)

<and his wife & Juuhachi-gou were getting out dishes and setting out the food.>

Gohan: (whispering) I try to keep Videl away from a stove at all cost.

Videl: (punching him) That wasn't nice!

Gohan: (wheezing) Gomen.

<"Ohayo!" Videl sang cheerfully.>

All (except Videl) (grumbling) What's so good about it?

<Since she wasn't that drunk last night so she didn't really have a headache only mild discomfort. Gohan was the same way and since Juu-chan was an artificial human, the after effects didn't linger long.>

Juu-chan: At last! I'm being acknowledged as a superior being. Bow down and worship me!

(silence)

Goku Girl: Where did she come from?

<Trunks and his two accomplises>

Veggie: Typo number--

Goku Girl: (snapping fingers) Change now. (Vegeta appears in that aforementioned sailor suit)]

Bulma: You look so precious! (she pinches his cheek)

Trunks: (singing) Who wears short shorts?

Bra & Goten: Vegeta wears short shorts!

Veggie: Change me back! Change me back!

<blinked in confusion. Gohan was in the same bed as Juuhachi-gou! Why were they acting so civil toward each other.>

Trunks: Is that a statement? Or a question? Make up your mind!

Goku Girl: (preparing fingers)

Trunks: (quickly) I'm sorry!

<As if Gohan read their thoughts he spoke. "I sensed everything.">

Goten: Gohan's psychic! How about that.

<They froze.>

Bra: Brr. Artic temperatures in the kitchen, huh?

Goku Girl: (smirking) Yeah. Instant popsicles.

<"Since I had already suspected what had happened, Juu-chan and I weren't mad at each other. Once I explained it that is." he absently rubbed at a light bruise on his cheek. "Did you know that she has a mean left hook?">

Goku Girl: Do *you* know that she has a mean right one too?

Gohan: Do you know she has a great knee?

All the males: (wincing) Ouch.

<Goten's eyes widened and began to plead. "Niichan!  _*Please*_  don't tell Kaasan! It was them!">

Bra: Do you always tattle the first chance you get?

Goten: (shaking his head) Nope. Sometimes I wait for the second.

<he pointed at Trunks & Marron frantically. "It was * _all_ * their fault!">

Bulma: But you went along with it too!

Goten: I was tricked! (silence) The devil made me do it! (more silence)

<The two he accused smacked him in the back of the head.>

Trunks: I'll do more to you later.

Goku Girl: It'll take them *years* to find the body.

Trunks: All the *pieces* to his body you mean.

Goten: ::gulp::

<"If we're going down we're taking you with us." Trunks growled.>

Goku Girl: (blinking innocently) Down where?

Goten and Trunks: HENTAI!

<Marron crossed her arms and nodded in agreement.>

Gohan: She'll be joining you too then?

Goten: (whining) Niichan!

<"Relax," Videl said. "No harm done.">

Veggie: (grumbling) To *you*.

<Then the others arrived.>

Goku Girl: Dun dun duuuun.

<"ChiChi I said I was sorry! You didn't have to hit me with that fying pan so hard!" Krillin whined.>

Bra: See? What did I tell you before? Krillin got hurt!

<"It was the principle of the whole thing!" The two grabbed a plate and some silverware & took seats at the table.>

Trunks: First ChiChi yells, then she instantly forgets. That's not like her.

Goku Girl: (whispering to him) Her medication just kicked in.

ChiChi: I heard that!

<Vegeta and Goku were next. The short saiyan, who was still in his boxers,>

Juu-chan, Bulma, Goku Girl: (wolf whistles) Looking good Vegeta!

Veggie: (blushing)

<was whispering to Goku as he got a plate. "You better not tell * _anyone_ * what happened!">

Goku: My lips, are sealed.

Goku Girl: With superglue.

<"Hai Veggie! I can keep a secret you know.">

Goku Girl: Sorta kinda. Though you probably will end up dropping hints. Think Mirai Trunks.

<"Good."

They also took seats; Goku next to ChiChi and Vegeta as far away from them as he could get which put him next to Bra.>

Bra: Papa is sitting next to me. YEA! Now Trunks can't threaten me again.

Goten: You wanna bet?

Goku Girl: How much?

<Yamcha was next. Vegeta's head jerked up at something>

Goku Girl: (as Vegeta) Who's hand is that on my thigh?

(laughter)

<but he just dismissed it as his imagination. That was until Bulma came into the room.>

Goten: (as Vegeta) You make me feel! You make me feel! You make me feel....

Trunks & Bra: Like a natural saiyan!

<The midget saiyan stood up and pointed an accusing finger at his mate. "You had sex with that * _weakling_ * last night!">

Goku Girl: The time of reckoning is upon us.

<Her eyes widened. "Nani?" she sputtered. She tried to cover up her guilt with feigned innocence. "What are you talking about?">

Veggie: You know what I'm talking about! Don't act innocent.

Goku Girl: She never really was.

Bulma: HEY!

<His eyes bored into her.>

Trunks: He has a power drill then?

Goku Girl: (snapping fingers) Change! (Trunks now has on a pink tu-tu) Dance!

Trunks: (twirling) Stop this madness!

Goku Girl: Make me.

<"You smell like him and he smells like you. You also have the odor of sex clinging to both of you.">

Gohan: It's like perfume.

<"You can SMELL things like that?!">

Goku Girl: You bet'cha.

<She hadn't gotten to take a shower yet and she had on her nightgown and a silk robe.

"Of course. All saiyans can.">

Gohan: (pulling out a laser pointer and a overhead projector) The saiyans are directly descended from the primal apes so they still retain some of their animal characterists.

All: (blinking)

Goku Girl: Did anyone get that?

(massive head shaking)

Goku Girl: Well thank your Professor Gohan!

<Without looking up from his plate Goku decided to put his two cents in. "He's right you know. You did hve sex.">

Goten: Well go ahead Tousan, restate the obvious.

Goku: I was just confirming it.

<"Well thank you Goku!" Bulma said sarcastically. Then she noticed that during the whole conversation Yamcha had disappeared. ' _Well, that was probably for the best._ '>

Goku Girl: But he will be hunted down later on and tortured.

Veggie: (menacingly) I know where you live.

<Gohan took a seat and glanced at Trunks, Marron, and Goten pointedly. "You know that someone spiked the punch don't you?">

Goten: (as his brother) I'm Gohan. I know all. I knew that since the first sip yet I still continued to drink it. Do you want to know the meaning of life?

<Everyone elses heads snapped up. "NANI?" the exclaimed in unison.>

Trunks: (still dancing) You have hangovers and didn't know? By the way, I'm sorry! Please make me stop and get rid of this outfit!

Goku Girl: (reversing the process) There.

Trunks: Arigatou.

Vegeta: (pouting) What about me?

Goku Girl: (reversing the process too). What did you say before about incorrect behavior?

Veggie: Nothing. Nothing at all.

<The demi saiyan nodded. Then the three hurriedly excused themselves.>

Goten: We now need to run to another country and change our names.

Goku Girl: These people can sense ki. It wouldn't work.

<Bulma glared. "It was * _you_ * three wasn't it?">

Goku Girl: (sarcastically) Who else? The Jolly Green Giant?

<Then chairs were suddenly being scraped against the floor as their occupants stood.>

Bra: Now prepare for a major butt whoopin'

<"You what you need to do, don't you?" Gohan asked.>

Goku Girl: They're in trouble, Gohan. Not stupid.

<"Hai," Trunks gulped. "RUN!">

Goku Girl: Run children, RUN!

<And so the chase was on.>


End file.
